Four on one day. Four. That makes, in sum, the impressive amount of 54 first-round rejections. That's 54. Up until now I've only had brief, fleeting moments of insecurity. But as of now I fear this unanticipated amount of rejection has mutated into a distinctive feeling of dejection.
The worst part of this application marathon is that I have no idea what goes wrong and why. I have work experience that qualifies me for a whole range of jobs and actually for almost all of the jobs I applied for. Only very few were shots in the dark for me. I have the capabilities proven by my academic record. I have outstanding references. I have constantly revised my résumé; I have tried different styles for my cover letter, but I always customized it to the specific job advertised and the company advertising it. I've come to send only a selection of references, not all of them, anymore.
And yet.
And yet I remain unsuccessful.
And yet I remain without job, without economically viable income, without apartment, without future.
And I don't understand why. Or what I can do to change that.
I know I could compromise more, apply for jobs below my paygrade or my qualifications. But wouldn't that just mean engaging in a trade-off that's ultimately affecting my future negatively? If I now take a job, any job really, in my field, don't I restrict myself from future jobs on my paygrade and fitting my qualifications? I really don't know. And my current confidence crisis does nothing to help me find a reliable answer to this question.
So in order to bring this thought train to an end, I let R.E.M do the summing-up:
Zöph,
AntwortenLöschenauch wenn es schwer fällt, halte durch und gib nicht auf.
Du hast Dir bis zum Ende des Jahres gegeben für Deinen Weg der adäquaten Bewerbungen und nicht der unterwertigen. Ebenso hast Du Berlin bis zum Ende des Jahres gegeben. Bleib dabei! Auch dieses Spiel dauert 90 Minuten.
Im Januar kannst Du dann neu valutieren. Bis dahin, Kopf hoch und Tschakka.
Und so doof es auch klingen mag: Für irgendwas ist das gut. Ey, isch schwör.